Hullo everyone =D I would just like to say, this is probably going to be my last blog post. I've decided that I wouldn't like to blog anymore, since no one was paying attention anyways, lol. So yes, I'm leaving, off with the flow in the river of life ;)

I bid you farewell and take care.
-John

Hah early in the morning I felt awfully ill, probably the fact that if I failed my BM I would be "unsuccessful" in life. To be honest after that paper I'm relieved. Like super duper relieved. I don't even care if I fail now because I'm done with it and all I could do is pray for mother nature to flood the exams center (: Haha, oh yeaaah.

BM: My heart was beating so hard and my face was red, it was terrible. But I strifed anyways. I gave it my best, let's just hope its good enough. I finished all the questions, regardless of wrong or right. Maybe the examiner would feel 'generous' or 'inspired' by my teen spirit? Haha. That'll be the day. Oh and strangely I have a dream of four peribahasa(s) two nights before and two of them came out! No joke! I told everyone the morning before the exams! Definitely strange ..

BI: I'm really happy for my BI exams. It was great, the questions was stupid, just the way I like it. I was going through the questions and I saw this question about how you want your future husbands and wives to be like, and I went "What the heck?", only some desparato will do this question, ( Haha, except Pauline lah who did it ). I choose "And now I know the true value of a friend" or something along these lines. I wrote about three pages, and it is good to note my writing is extremely small and the paper was wide so it should make up 4 and a half pages. I wrote about an imaginary childhood friend, I lied, haha. His personality is based on all of my four besties ( Mel, Andrew, Sharine & Kalai ) although its quite hard to manifest his emotions, I succeeded and I'm quite proud to say that the character actually appears to be alive and "human".

Sejarah No comment. If any of you see Pn. Jaya with a scythe on the day we get our results, inform me - ASAP.

Maths Who said all chinese were good at maths?

Hope you all pray for my moral, chemistry and biology (:

Labels: Bad day

He sat alone in the dark room.
He stood up, wiped the tears, cleared his voice.
"Should I die?" He yelled.
His voice echoed throughout the room.

Fear approached.
"Yes. For the fear of dying painfully and meaninglessly."
And returned back into the shadows.

Rasionality approached.
"No. For the rasionality of the human mind and society."
And returned back into the shadows.

Sorrow approached.
"Yes. For every second you spend on Earth only makes more sorrow."
And returned back into the shadows.

Vengeance approached.
"No. Not without taking down your enemies with vengeance before your grave." And returned back into the shadows.

Pain approached.
"Yes. For I am too strained with pain."
And returned back into the shadows.

Memories approached.
"No. The delicate weavings of memories have tied you to Earth."
And returned back into the shadows.

The boy fell down to the floor.
Crying again.

Suddenly.
He felt a hand on his shoulders.
But theres no one there in the pitch darkness.
Out of curiousity and undecisiveness,
he waited, and waited, and stood his ground,
against all of his emotions who tormented him,
with suggestions.

He noticed.
The more he stood through the pain,
Staying patient, standing in the rain,
Being strong, and the emotions that he coped,
The brighter the light glowed,
named - hope.

Random stanza I wrote while bored. Explores the human mind (: The human mind is like a dark room, where emotions are personified. They give their own suggestions to you, but NEVER take them. Only listen to hope, which is the shy and timid emotion that appears rarely. Only appears if you rebulked all of the other emotions, and only appears if you give it the chance to.
Stand your ground.

Today while searching around google for relative universities and other stuff you probably wouldn't want to know, I saw this blue plastic box of candy on my dad's desk. After saying a quick, "Mom, can I have this?," she being the ignorant newspaper reading parent just nodded her head and said "Yeah yeah whatever, can't you see I'm reading Star two? Go away" ... =.=

So I took the candy. Chyeah. And ate 7 balls of white minty candeeeeh. Ohyeah. Tastes yum. Infact, it tastes so yum that I swallowed every single one of it. And after Louis sent me a SMS saying how good of a friend I am with a poem ( That he probably didn't write, but it was still sweet =D ), I took the box, and oh my freaking prada-wearing gawd. It said, "full fresh mentos chewing GUM".

DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD: So as the myth goes, the gum would stick in my stomach for seven years. Oh the joy we'll have together, gum. We'll go through National service together, we'll get into college, possibly get my first driving license and marry someone while you peeve through my belly button. I think I'll name you Lenny the piece of undigested gum.

If you've spent a dinner with a chinese family you would know what I mean. The parents ( usually the mother ) would force their kids to eat their meals so they can grow up to be 'big' and 'strong'. Well my parents took that to a COMPLETLY NEW LEVEL.

Seeing as how their son isn't growing according to plan. And by plan I mean being a couch potato while watching Starsports and getting a girlfriend while acknowledging me that underage pregnancy is bad. But because I don't do any of these stuff ( perhaps they feel angry at the fact they can't acknowledge me about underaged pregnancy ) I "failed" their plan.

Seeing as how they can't force me to get a girlfriend because I'm not 'boyfriend material' ( Yes, the truth can be ugly sometimes T___T ), they resumed to making me unskinny. And by this I mean whenever I say the words, " I feel like eating ..", they would feed me whatever I want.

Now to some this might seem like a paradise, but its NOT. Trust me, I only eat like 2 meals a day. Breakfast and dinner. But this is ridiculous! I'm eating like 4 meals a day now. Can't they see their son is fine just the way and size he is? Infact like 70% of the population or was it 30% .. is fat.

So yeah the following pictures are not for the faint-hearted. And if you DO die, I lay no claim or responsibility to your death and your insurance company will not get a single penny from me even if they kidnapped my wife Biology textbook.

Chicken rice in the morning to replenish proteins.
How sneaky.

Varied food for dinner,
to tease my tastebuds, how dispicable!

The reknowned birthday cake!
I suspect my parents discussed this with my friends -.-

"Extra" cheesy spaghetti when we go to
mid vally, Mom? I knew I couldn't trust you!

This abomination will get me obese in no time!

Sprinkling chocolate sprinkles ain't gonna
make me lose my resistance, Dad!

Mcdonalds for me when its like 3:08 AM? ( 24 hours delivery)
Curse youuuuuu!

NO PLEASE, NOT THE ROTI TELUR! PLEASE,
I BEG OF YOU! HAVE MERCYYYYYYYY!

So yeah the horrible and obscene pictures you just seen is a compellation of all the food I ate last week from Monday to Thursday. I'm glad my body is still strong and theres no signs of flabs! The, "giving Cohen the food to eat because shes giving me the doggy eyes and not because I don't want to eat your food because I despise you" plan really works!

So yes, pray for me not to become obese in the future. PRAY HARD!
My parents can be anywhere now .. buying for me Mcdonalds probably.

Watch out.

You and just about everyone out there probably had a dream before. But have you ever looked back and see what it really meant?

Dreams are pieces of the truth and it is blurred by metaphors. Thats my view. I had a dream about me falling down and breaking my finger bones, and the next day I saw Sharine with a bandage around her left hand saying she fell down. On that same day I also had a dream about toothache, where, I know its weird but the dream was about my tooth turning into animals and such, in a comedic way. When I woke up I have this bad toothache, especially the teeth at my lower jaw and the deep end in my jaw there seems to be something growing and its swollen.

But I'm okay now. It just makes you think how powerful a tool like dreams are. I mean think about it, what is the function of dreaming? Perhaps today's science and technology cannot unravel its purpose without theorizing and maybe nature is hiding something from us? We'll never know. But what we DO know is that, dreams are pieces of truth. They're usually hidden in the most strangest places in your dreams. But if you try and look at it clearly, you would see that every dream has its meanings.

Also the fact that after dreaming, your dreams would vanish like smoke. Some stay for a second, some for an hour, some for a week and even some for a life time. Its truely bizarre. But whatever the case is, I always keep a 'dream book' beside my bed. So that when I wake up, I can record everything clearly in that dream before it vanishes. When I have the time I ponder at the dreams' meanings and I tell you, 99% of the time you're more than likely to get a prediction or a previously happened event if you're open minded.

I'm going to give you an example of a dream I recently had but yet to determine its meaning.

"The air is in deep bedlam, people's faces seem confused and terrified. Black blood/or blackish red ink flowing from the floor. The entire sky is filled with darkness but not because its night, I look closely and its actually mosquitoes. Suddenly my entire body is surrounded by itches and bites before I wake up sweating."

What is its meaning? We'll see eventually.

Sometimes in your dreams you encounter a strange same element. I call this kind of element in your dreams a 'Tylwyth'. A tylwyth could be anything from a crow, to a floating mirror, they're just the same elements in your dream that characteristics depends on your personality or the traumatic events in your life. Personally, my tylwyth is a black cat with green eyes. I know it might sound weird, but in some of my dreams I always see this black cat staring at me with its chartreuse-coloured eyes. And in these dreams I usually get a suffocating motion or a weakened of strength feeling.

I asked some of my friends and they agree on this 'being' in our dreams. One of my friends claims to have a colourful tropical bird in her dreams that get her adrenaline up. Another of my friend claims that a floating mirror or orb have been seen many times in her dreams and each time its in it, the entire dream would be black and white.

Freaky. Although much ignored in today's society 'as it just happens', dreams have many advantages to us. Your dreams expose emotions that you have never really ever felt before. Dreams such as someone dying or something you've never been afraid of but suddenly you're dreaming of a nightmare related to it. After these dreams you would notice that your emotions change. You could be grieving or paranoid but you can never really explain what you're having these emotions for. Thats dreaming for you.

Dreams also have a relation to Déjà vu's. If you felt that you have a Déjà vu, write down the feeling of it and when have you experienced it. Chances are, you ARE going to experience it again, trust me.

Your dreams also reveals your needs and desires. Varying from sexual content to that new top your friend has and you don't. These dreams usually are happy and joyous with you getting what you want. Don't succumb to these kinds of dreams thought, they're called dreams for a reason. I found out the hard way that desires are as deadly as guns.

Lastly, lucid dreaming. Its these kinds of dreams where you're in control. You can control where you want to go and what happens. This is one of the good things about dreaming, perhaps its not true to some, but to me you can use this way of dreaming to explore other people's minds. A person who has this kind of dream has to have a good concentration on what he/she wants to do in order to accomplish it. And you would also need to have a relationship with the person you're trying to explore, either its a good or bad relationship you have to atleast know something about each other. Seize the oppurtunity if you're lucid dreaming. Explore the emotions of these around you. Lucid dreaming are rare.

I guess that's all I wanted to say. I hope you understand what I just said and look at dreaming from a different point of view now. Who knows? There might be a celestial being watching us right now, playing with our heads, leaking the truth in the form of dreams? We would never know, and we still have much to understand about dreams. My mind is still young and confused, I'll have to wait until it matures and calms down before I would fully understand dreams - and their purposes.

Today. Did any one of you ever pondered at the meaning of 'today'? To some today means now. To others today means the time where the sunshines till evening until the moon takes its shift. I pondered at what 'today' meant, and it had a whole different meaning.

I was looking through some murder files on the popular search engine google, and looking at the murderer's intentions. I found a copy of this book, Psychopathia Sexualis which is about desires, primarily sexual desires to be exact. And it wrote,

" paraesthesia, sexual desire for the wrong goal or object. This included homosexuality , sexual fetishism, sadism, masochism, pederasty and so on. "

Now i'm not promoting sex or anything here, I just feel that the fact they categorize homosexuality as wrong is not relevant. Now, referring to some dead guy's theory of WHY humans evolved to how they are now, you would be wondering for survival or simply just for dorminance. That could be true but there is also another option - pleasure.

That's right, pleasure. But not the wrong kind though like drugs and violence but these are categorized into the same topic. This includes your favourite leisure time at a cafe, and playing games kind of pleasure. But if you think we evolved for 'survival' you could be wrong. If we just wanted to survive, all we need is a cell membrane and a nucleus, just like a unicellular organism.

But look, you are made of a MILLION, heck no, a BILLION of that. Why? Simple. Pleasure. Think about it. You were made so your eyes can catch every single vibrant colours and their heavenly hues. Your nose is made to smell every scent of aromatic fragrance. Theres millions of nerve cells on your hands, allowing you to feel life itself. Your tongue is alligned with numerous tastebuds that is key to all the tastes of culinary arts.Your ears is made to catch and hear the glorious melodies and tunes the world has to offer. Your hair is made so that it doesn't feel pain, but it can feel the flow of the gentle breeze.

So think about it. And now relate it to the term 'today'. You would see what I mean. But if you don't, then i'll make it simple; we don't have variety today. That's right, put on something above the social taboo and people look down on you. Have something abnormal and people tease you and spread rumours of you. Doing your favourite pass time might be something dissappointing in the eyes of others. Our society today is turning us into dull, psycho-robots.

What? Want evidence? Try to REALLY think about it. There ought to be some people in your life that tells you to STUDY OR DIE. There ought to be someone that teases you for your style. There OUGHT to be someone who think differences are bad. Differences are NOT bad, they make people unique and special. And with that, they make YOU special too. Thats what I think. And categorizing someone homosexual as 'wrong' is just as bad as calling the hutchback of notredome 'ugly'.

I like variety in people, it makes everyone feel special. And we can learn alot from them in their aspects, even if you dislike them. Always remember to respect someone even if they are truly odd or strange. Variety is life, life is variety. Survival is robotic clerks in offices.

I think someone would probably call me 'crazy' for this post but its just my opinion on life. Life doesn't have a complex structure, its more of a beautiful flower stemmed by time, blossomed by variety and it holds the seeds of the future. Patient. Dormant. Asleep. Waiting for germination where it would reveal to humanity the truth. But rest assured, the truth isn't always pretty. It takes a glimpse to lie, it takes alot of sacrifaces for the truth.

Today means the state of the world as it is now. Believe in yourself and do not let others bring you down. Pick little critizism but never ever depend on them wholely for they can break the hardest walls your mind has build. Crush your dreams and desires and taint your future. Love yourself, love your colours.